investigating

hi. long time no update.  

i'm just home from a delightful 3-night stay in the city, alas at the hospital where I undergo treatments for the clinical trial. so, not really delightful. killer views from the 11th floor oncology ward, though, no joke. 

last week, I had more side effects from the trial drug, similar to those i'd had in the first week, but more intense. I kept waiting for them to resolve like before, but they did not, and i was getting more & more dehydrated. So I called the doctor and headed into the ER. 

I had tests to rule out the possibility of a bacterial infection, got a LOT of fluids, potassium, magnesium, the whole lot.colitis is a really common side effect of immunotherapy drugs, and the verdict is that I have a mild case of it-- not bad enough to warrant pausing the trial and going on steroids though, thankfully.

next week i have another scan, then i'm due to start the next cycle of the trial. can't say i'm not nervous for that. i mean, right now all my stomach can tolerate is oatmeal and bananas and while i love these things, it is just a matter of time before i'm going to "need" mushroom pizza (well done). 

you know, i don't often pause to consider that the name of each of my drugs is "investigational agent." and now I know why. I spent a LOT of time in that hospital bed looking at that killer view, imagining what exactly was getting investigated. and how. i considered the choice of the word "agent" which in a certain (cheeky) context can sound mysterious, like science is sending in its secret special force, its best people.

now it sounds a lot less cheeky. i do a lot of mental gymnastics trying to keep up this idea that i'm a "normal" person, and occasionally i get a smack of reality. 

the good news is that so far, the drugs are working. things are stable, my tumor marker is down into normal range for the first time in over a year (!!) so, i'll add colitis to the list of things to be managed, and keep focused on the bigger picture.