oh hello and Happy Easter or Chocolate Day or Regular Ol' Sunday, or whatever it is you celebrate. Let's catch up.
Before going to get my regularly scheduled infusion last Thursday, I checked my dreaded tumor marker (CA-125) just to not be blindsided by any potentially difficult info. The number was so high, higher than at my initial diagnosis. It was devastating. I KNEW this high number was mostly likely due to the blood clot (inflammation, duh), and I KNEW that my very recent scan had shown stability AND improvement, AND YET, even faced with these very real facts, I couldn't help but go into a dark place. Like an under-the-covers-at-noon kind of dark place.
I showed up at the hospital the next day for my infusion and had a talk with the doc beforehand. Given that high number, it's too risky for me to be on Avastin while I have this blood clot. Avastin itself might have contributed to the clot, so now we are stopping the Avastin.
It's a huge change for which I am incredibly bummed because it seemed like the Avastin was doing its job, right? First positive-looking scan in ages, improvement shown, etc. etc. BUT cancer treatment is always about weighing risks and benefits and so....
So what if now that I'm on blood thinners, the clot is easing up and my numbers are going down? I can't bring myself to look it up, to be honest. And this new course of treatment is going to happen regardless.
What is the new course of treatment? I have 2 options. The first is to take a wee drug holiday until my next scan on May 20. SO TEMPTING.
The second is to start taking another PARP inhibitor drug. I had tried one --Zejula or Niraparib --after my initial treatment ended back in December of 2019, but since I was able to tolerate only a very low dose of it, doctors cannot say for certain that it worked or did not work. OMG ALL THE UNKNOWNS of this stuff!
Right. the second option is to start on a different one of these drugs, called Lynparza (or Olaparib). It is supposed to work well on it own but even better in combo with Avastin, which I guess I can re-take in about 6 months). "Supposed to work" is obviously a really general statement. If it does work, hooray! I can continue with it. If it doesn't work, I am headed back to chemotherapy.
My feelings about having chemotherapy for a THIRD CONSECUTIVE YEAR are about what you'd think they are. So I'm opting to start taking the new PARP inhibitor starting tomorrow I think. Because if I'm not taking anything at all, I think I'll freak out more.
I realized the other day that the first time the rug was proverbially pulled out from under me just knocked me over. But now slipping back, or facing something unexpected, huge and/or dangerous, that is starting to be familiar. This is how cancer transforms people. It doesn't make them stronger or wiser or "warriors." All this stuff makes me, or anyone else is.. just someone dealing with cancer. Maybe that is the t-shirt slogan I've been looking for.☺
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